Among all the classes I have this semester, Understanding the Self is probably the one I was most excited about aside from my P.E. class, street dancing. I was really looking forward to it after learning that we were going to create a blog where we would be writing entries in, all throughout the semester. Having my own personal blog has always been in my summer bucket list but for some reason, I never found the time to create one. So when this class had this requirement, I put a lot of effort into it especially with its design and content. Now that I look at each entry after the semester has ended, I realized how significant and precious this blog has become. These entries have served as my tracker as to how I have developed not only as a student but as a person in general, coming to learn more about myself. This age that I am in now is usually where individuals are looking for their place and purpose in this world that gives meaning and continuity to our unique existence. It's when identity formation is most prominent especially with people like me who are freshmen in college, adjusting to a new environment, ready to commit to work roles, values, talents and interests.
The first entry in this blog was about Hybrid Identities. I ended up describing myself as an individual in globalization and localization. I started becoming more open to expressing myself through this blog so I shared a lot of aspects about me. I shared how technology had become a huge influence in my life because it's through it that I got to talk to a lot of amazing people across the world whom I already consider as my friends even though I have not met them in real life yet. Without this topic in class, I wouldn't be able to realize how big of an impact globalization had in my life. I've always thought that all that globalization brings are positive things such as what I've mentioned: how it is bringing us all closer to each other no matter how big the distance is. According to the reading, despite how globalization has increased the interconnections of economies and cultures, it has also created some sort of identity confusion for young people because of the loss of adult influence or control for them. What happens with globalization is that Western culture is sort of being viewed as superior or the standard for actions and aspects. For example, because of globalization, a lot of my nieces and nephews grew up speaking in English and watching Western cartoons, none of their own local culture, Filipino. This has resulted into disconnection from their cultural traditions which leads them to confusion when they encounter local things, like commonly a lot of Filipino words. I also shared in this blog entry how globalization has made me become fond of the Korean culture especially their world of Hallyu that greatly influenced how I present myself to the public in terms of fashion, makeup, beauty and hair. I've also come to love their music and dramas compared to Filipino's but I still shared how much I love Filipino culture, especially the food and activities such as spending vacation with family, going to church regularly and performing speech choirs with Filipino literary pieces and attire.
This is the creative output I worked on for this integration paper. It is a mixed media painting, using acrylic, ink and tape on a canvas. It is a self-portrait with the blue representing my mind that has words that I associate myself with, regarding the topics that I have learned in an entire semester of Understanding the Self.
I have mentioned globalization as one of the topics that had impact in my Understanding the Self class and the word that I included in this painting for globalization is fangirling for the Korean culture or Hallyu world, specifically EXO, a Korean pop band. It has helped me appreciate a culture that I did not grow up in, but still ended up appreciating, including their music, language, and lifestyle.
Next word I would like to address is the defense mechanism I use a lot, which is rationalization. I didn't think there are actually so many defense mechanisms existing, 10 in the lesson, but I'm sure that rationalization is what I tend to use the most as someone who always tend to do things out of system 1. I also fail to regulate my emotions which is probably the reason why I don't have a sense of well-being because regulating emotions contribute to having that. Because of my actions being executed through system 1, I always end up hurting myself with the experiences I encounter because it's hard for me to regulate my emotions which always result to me resorting to the mechanism of rationalization. A good example of this is when I am careless with handling money. It's usually the system 2 that's supposed to be working when it comes to money, but for some reason, it's like I'm not even conscious when I'm spending or leaving tip for people. Last week, I had to deliver a package through GrabExpress and I chose the GrabPay payment method, which is default and it meant it was paid already through card. I wasn't even thinking when I was booking the delivery, because I'm usually lutang like that, doing things out of system 1. The driver arrived and I handed him not only the package but also some bills, forgetting that I had already paid. I wasn't able to regulate my emotions well when I realized this fact, so after crying, I just ended up using my go-to defense mechanism. I convinced myself that it's okay that I spent double, that it wasn't a waste because the driver needed the money more than I did. This helped me soften the disappointment that I felt in myself. I just made sure to take note of the negative effect that comes with rationalization, which is that it impedes us from learning from mistakes.
Next word I would like to talk about is organizations. In the topic of socialization, what left an impact with me is specifically the social structures, which I easily understood as groups or community I socialize with such as family, peers, government, school, and organizations (orgs). A lot of people in college have given me the nickname of "Ms. BS Org" because of how active I am in my orgs. During my first semester, I applied for 5 orgs and got in 4 orgs namely Blue Hanguk, Peers, Speed and Meco. I was really active in all those which had given me a wide field of opportunities to socialize and expand my social circle in college. In the second semester, I added Theatre production work. Socializing for me was really important because I'm an extrovert, and I get my energy from human interaction. Despite all this, social structures like organizations still give constraints on me as an individual like tasks and committees assigned to me are the only ones I'm allowed to take on, for everything to go smoothly and I also felt that these structures have effect on my self-esteem.
Next is the activist clique. One time, at some point in the semester, we had an activity where we identified what kind of squads, groups or cliques we have. I mentioned that I have friends from UP Diliman and they are the ones who have opened my eyes to how important it is to take the fight to the streets. They're all activists and are part of mass organizations. Being more involved with what my friends do has given me an awakening. My friends have taught me how activism is a reformation for our nation, a tireless persuasion. It provides everyone the truth that was deprived from many. Then I noticed that what the lesson has taught me in this class was so accurate, about how crowds support the process of one's identity development because it had set a prescriptive identity for myself, about how I should be, which is to wake up and act now to help our society.
For online reputation, I don't have much to say except for the fact that being exposed to ICTs has influenced a lot on my identity formation through the standards that were set by Instagram famous people. It has influenced me to start investing on skincare routines because of the amount of beautiful skinned people on the platform, and also working out because of their fit bodies. I couldn't achieve their looks so I opted on creating my own online reputation, which is to have art and colorful themes on my Instagram.
The last phrase is strict parents, where I want to talk about the habitus I grew up in. My parents are only strict when it comes to me, their only female child. My brothers had a type of freedom that I never did, but when I grew older, I never complained about it. I grew up obeying each of their orders, especially from my mom. My mom would always be the one who demands me to go to salons to have facials, threading or waxing, get my nails done, my hair, and many more. My mom wouldn't allow me to stay outside past 10 in the evening unless I'm with her or my brother while my brothers are allowed to even sleep over their friends'. The strictest part comes in two things: dating and academics. When it comes to grades, my professors would label my parents as tiger parents, especially my mom. I grew up in middle school to junior high with not being allowed to have a grade lower than B. For dating, I'm just not allowed to date, that's it. I never complained about this one because no one wants to date me anyway. So the last one was quite easy to obey. With strict parents, with this kind of habitus, I grew up sort of constrained but also obedient.
To sum it all up, I have learned more than a lot in this course during the entire semester. I didn't know a lot of things about me until they were given names of topics and were shed some light onto in this course. Being aware of what they are now, it helps me to acknowledge them especially those that need to be changed or addressed by myself such as my reckless act in spending, and many more. We can all safely say that in the end, I've understood myself more than I have ever had before, thanks to this course.
Comments